The stunning lobby of The Bellagio, with glass sculptures by Dale Chihuly.

The funky décor at Border Grill, where you’ll find authentic gourmet Mexican food

Shops and Spas
I stayed at the gorgeous Mandalay Bay, conveniently located near the shops at Mandalay Place. Wouldn’t you know that when traveling to the glitz capital of the world, I forgot all my jewelry? No worries – I picked up some cheap fake dangly diamond earrings at Fashion 101, a super cute place to get a lot of bling for your buck.

Also, check out the brand-new shop Nora Blue, where you’ll find trendy outfits with many items for less than $40.

Lucky for me, you don’t need bling for a visit to a spa and I was lucky enough to go to two. I loved the whirlpools at Spa Mandalay, where I had a lovely stone massage. And at WET, The Spa & Salon at Treasure Island, I had a different sort of treatment – got my hair all done up and my make-up caked on, complete with big ol’ fake eyelashes. I looked a lot like Tammy Faye Bakker in her preacher days, but in a more tasteful, I-won’t-fake-cry-my-mascara-off way.
(www.mandalaybay.com/ for all places at Mandalay Bay. www.treasureisland.com/ for all places at Treasure Island.)

Food, Glorious, Food
My top three surprises in Vegas:
• The breasts on the dancers in Zumanity and Crazy Horse Paris shows were real. And not even big real, just cute little A-cup real!
• The ceilings in Vegas are some of the most gorgeous I’ve seen – from the frescoes and fake clouds at The Venetian to Dale Chihuly glass sculptures at The Bellagio, it definitely pays to look up when you’re there.
• The city has amazing restaurants.

Just in Mandalay Place, we had delicious authentic gourmet Mexican fare at the funky Border Grill, where I pride myself that I did not eat every bite put down in front of me, despite all inclination to the contrary. And for the beef-lover StripSteak is a must-visit. The restaurant offers three kinds of beef – Certified Angus, American Kobe and 'A5' Japanese Kobe. And the duck fat fries? Worth every calorie.

The entry to StripSteak – the duck fat fries are worth the calories!

Another option for meat-lovers is Stack in The Mirage, a gorgeous American bistro restaurant where you can find fun items such as pigs in a blanket, mini Kobe chili cheese dogs, sirloin steak you cook on your own hot rock and jelly doughnut munchkin holes, in addition to steaks and seafood. For a fun cocktail, try the Cucumber martini. (www.mirage.com for all places at The Mirage)
The best sushi I’ve ever had was at the chic Social House at Treasure Island, which just opened last fall and was voted by several publications as the best new restaurant. Check out the sake and yellowtail

You know how sometimes things seem fun and zany at the time, only you cringe later? This wasn’t one of those times – I knew immediately when the master-of-humiliation waiter at Dick’s Last Resort put the wadded up paper bag on my head that it wasn’t my finest moment. But hey, everyone else was wearing them, and in comparison, the “E-Z” scrawled on mine was tame compared to what others got. This just-opened wacky tacky place with live music and abusive waiters is not for the introverted or a place to seek refuge from the noise, lights and general chaos that is Vegas. Rather it’s a place to catch grief for going to the bathroom, eat heaps of fried food and be coerced into buying bathtub-sized drinks by waiters, because “then I make more money.” It’s fun, it’s overdone, it’s tacky. What can you say? It’s Vegas.

Social House is half restaurant/half lounge.

Sun and Fun – Pools, Shows and Nightclubs

For an incredible view of the Strip, visit Mix, at the top of Mandalay Bay. Even if you just have a drink in the bar, be sure to walk through the restaurant to see the 15,000 hand-blown glass spheres surrounding the staircase. And don’t miss the bathroom! The black toilets face the windows, so you don’t have to miss a second of the view.

Tables on the balcony of Mix, where you have an amazing view of the Strip.

Tangerine Lounge & Nightclub at Treasure Island was my first introduction to European-style bottle service, where a barely clad waitress brings a bottle of liquor and mixers and makes you a drink, bending over so that her massive breasts seem on the verge of breaking free of their tiny fabric constraint any moment. If you opt for table service, you get to sit at the best tables, and someone in your party, which you hope isn’t you, pays the huge cost for the personal service.

We had the same set-up at Jet at The Mirage, where our cute waitress, Misty, would also join us as we danced – a woman who clearly loved her job. At Jet, we had a prime view of one of the stripper poles where employees or particularly extroverted or over-served club-goers gyrated to the never-ending beat. Jet is a favorite of celebrities and also just hosted The 7th Annual Pole-A-Palooza. I wonder if that was shown on ESPN?

Speaking of barely clad, we visited two adult-only pools, which I found out meant you have to have to be 21, pay extra and then you can take your top off. Moorea at Mandalay Bay is part of a brand-new three-story building on its beach that has the Beach Bar & Grill, a glass-front casino with beach views and Villa Soleil, five villas that are available to rent. Each has access to a private pool, will accommodate up to 16 people and has a restroom, wet bar, 50-inch flat-screen TV and a deck overlooking the beach.

Bare at The Mirage is much smaller and had a tasteful, classy vibe. It’s beautifully decorated and landscaped and has a VIP section with beds, refrigerators, staff to serve you and a separate pool.

As for shows, Crazy Horse Paris at MGM Grand features classically trained dancers, all of whom have the exact same body, who perform while patterns of light play on their bodies. It’s artistic and rather intriguing. (www.mgmgrand.com)

My favorite show was Love, the Cirque show that celebrates the Beatle’s legacy and recently had its one-year anniversary. I’ve never done mushrooms, but imagine this is what it would be like. We debated what drugs had influenced their lyrics, with one woman saying that it was the old-fashioned LSD, which was apparently not as tainted with chemicals as varieties currently available. It was charming in a what-the-hell-was-that-about kind of way. My favorite song was “Baby, I’m Amazed” performed with four women twirling gracefully on trapezes.

The VIP section at Bare

After three very long days, my Vegas virginity was gone. I do believe I smiled, laughed and expressed amazement so much, my face hurt!

As I sat rather quietly on the ride back to the airport, where I’d soon return to my own version of reality, my driver offered me a tip for people leaving Las Vegas, many of whom are poorer, hung over and full of regret.

“Here is my prescription for heading back home,” he said. “A shot of tequila and a Xanax.” I didn’t have either one of those, but I do have my memories of my first time in Vegas.